The short answer: I agree with this wholeheartedly.

The long answer: “True friendship” implies a bond of strength between two individuals that isn’t shaken by honesty or well-intentioned criticism, and rather is enriched by it. For this to work, both people need to have insight into themselves, strengths and weaknesses alike, and the ability to communicate well. “Tact” is an important part of communication, but by tact I do not mean censoring any content from a conversation – not concealing what one thinks from another – rather, I mean the choice of tone, inflection, and context. Put another way, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it, and in a true friendship, what you say can be absolutely anything. This includes concerns for someone’s health, conduct, and relationships that, in lesser relationships, would be “nobody’s business.”

True friendships are deeply and unrestrictedly intimate, which strikes me as the heart of St. Jerome’s quote.

As a side note, the gender of both parties shouldn’t matter in a true friendship. My wife is one of my closest friends. I have a very few other wonderful people in my life that I would consider to be true friends, who are of both genders. I consider them to all have the same level of intimacy, as previously defined. That said, defining true friendship in that way implies that such relationships are few and far between.

I think for this quote, we should probably understand “what one thinks” to be our reasonably well thought-out feelings on a matter – not necessarily whatever thoughts happen to be jumping through our brain at any particular moment. Lord knows that would probably not make us a lot of friends. Ha!

But there should certainly be prudence and ‘tact’ involved at all times – as Julie and L suggested.

And I’m not sure gender plays a roll in how we apply this principle in as much as it does in who we choose to be very close friends with.

Certainly there are certain levels of intimacy that must be protected depending on the relationship (best guy friend, best girl friend, wife, husband, etc.). And maintaining those levels would be what makes those relationships special in many ways and different from other relationships.

Perhaps that means those relationship are “truer” – I don’t know.

Good thoughts.

I wonder about how and if this applies to male/female friendships as opposed to our same gender friendships. Surely, there are many things, which ought to be left unsaid with our opposite sex friends as a matter of prudence. Isn’t it too easy to become too close when revealing so much in these situations?

If men and women can really even be friends, and subsequently if this then even applies to those situations, may be the crux of my follow-up questions/clarification. :)

This is very timely in my life as I have put out an invitation for a friend and I to sit down and talk openly and honestly in order to clear the air in hopes of creating a “true” friendship.

Can’t you just feel the Holy Spirit at work? I can. : )

Dawn