From a pastoral point-of-view, I think it is worth pointing out that, for most of us non-saints, lust and healthy desire rarely exist in unalloyed forms. It is not the case that on a good day my goal is simply to give of myself and on a bad day I aim to do nothing but take. Human relationships are much more complicated than that. One thing that can be difficult for women, for example, is understanding how the natural fluctuation in their desire for physical intimacy is not just an indication of being dominated by biological impulse. That desire needs to be integrated in the broader relationship, but it does not need to be overruled. (Thanks to Kristen, by the way, for mentioning other, distinctively feminine, aspects of this topic. Too often this is a man-centered conversation.)

The pastoral point here is not to despair if you notice (or think you notice) some hint of selfishness in your sexual relations. The ability to recognize this is in itself a grace. We all need to cooperate with grace, however haltingly, on our way to Christian perfection.

It is definitely true that saving sex for marriage and then using, not abusing, the marriage bond within marriage is SO important for our social, psycological, and emotional well-being (besides the obvious and well-stated moral reasons above), yet we cannot forget the serious reprecussions caused by the attitude of everything-else-but-actual-sex. Some teens are told “no sex until marriage” but then not properly directed with regards to boyfriend/girlfriend situations, staying out late, holding hands, necking, hanging out at the beach scantily clad, etc, etc, etc. “But we aren’t having sex …!” Right?

Wrong! Just because they aren’t actually “doing it” doesn’t mean that they haven’t become emotionally – even physically! – attached to some lesser degree, and this will cause problems and can lead to lust. I’m not saying teens should never be allowed to talk to the opposite sex, or interact – actually, learning how to properly interact will help avoid these temptations later in life – but the “everything BUT” can only be considered an occasion of sin fabricated by misguided and misguiding adults, who need to teach their children the difference between not having sex (but doing everything else) and living a positively chaste and pure life.

But in this Twilight culture where the hero lusts – yes, it is lust! – after the blood of some girl, sits above her bed and watches her sleep at night … and then moms promote this as a “chastity” book because they don’t actually get into bed together … ? Wait, what’s wrong with this picture … ?

(Ok, admittedly, I have never actually read the books – so shoot me – but I’ve heard enough to make me cringe each time I see another ad or commercial! – but I digress …)

… the point is, we need real heroes, pure heroes with pure intentions to promote a positive life of purity – and as they say, a girl’s first love and a boy’s first hero is Dad. Just as charity begins at home, so does chastity. The teens of this generation are the adults of the next; they need to know, they want to know the truths and morals of a Catholic culture.

… and I can’t find a way to wrap this up without sounding cheesy, so … sorry for the rant :) thanks for listening!

It’ll take you to the American Association of Pro-Life OB/Gyn’s, you select your state, and it shows them by city. I’ve gone to 2 excellent docs off this site and currently LOVE my OB doc (she’ll be delivering my second child this September). She’s a devout Catholic with 8 children of her own…so good hunting for a new doc!

Also, weekly, I get letters from Christian couples suffering from sexual sin within marriage… whether it’s pornography or other forms of lusting. We desperately need to spread the truth of lifelong chastity!