Being a father is a radical responsibility. One that’s been neutered of its uniqueness and weight and turned into just another equal participant in the human economy. Well, we may have produced an economy of hard working men (and women), but we’ve also enabled a generation of slacker dads. Even the “good dads” are slackers. And I’m intent on not being one of them.
If my family is not praying enough or doesn’t know how to pray together, it’s my fault.
If my family lacks direction and inspiration and vision, it’s my fault.
If my children don’t know what generosity and selflessness look like, it’s my fault.
If my children do not know God, it’s my fault.
If my children don’t know what a hard working, faithful, loving, disciplined, kind, holy, gentle, patient, strong man looks like, it’s my fault.
If my children don’t feel secure about who they are, it’s my fault.
If my son doesn’t know how to be a real man, it’s my fault.
If my daughter doesn’t know how she’s supposed to be treated, it’s my fault.
If my children don’t know what it feels like to be loved and what real, sacrificial love looks like, it’s my fault.
If my children don’t know what forgiveness and mercy look like, it’s my fault.
If my children don’t know how to respect authority, it’s my fault.
If my children don’t know that the hard stuff in life is the stuff most worth doing, it’s my fault.
If my children don’t know to pursue truth over comfort and faithfulness over success, it’s my fault.
If my children don’t know what humility and honesty look like, it’s my fault.
If my house does not serve the Lord, it’s my fault.
If I, as their father, don’t do these things, who will? Who will? If it’s not my responsibility, whose is it? My wife has unique responsibilities of her own and many of these others we fulfill together. But ultimately, in a family, the buck stops with somebody – and that’s me. If these things don’t happen, it’s my fault.
If you need a good reminder of this or wanna catch a good flick for families, check out the movie Courageous. It pumped me up and will remind you of the seriousness, bigness, joy and fulfillment of being a good father. Here’s a preview clip:
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Matt, amazing post. Got choked up and I am not even a dad yet! From pooping with a smart phone to this… you are killing it this week! Thanks for sharing your gifts, brother.
Is this movie OK for little kids? I see that it is PG-13, so probably not…
Matt – thanks! You’ll probably get choked up watching the Courageous movie, too. I know I did.
Dave – I’m sure it’s a PG-13 rating because of some of the shooting violence. There’s nothing gory, but there is a shoot-out and some crime. Some drug references. And some loss of life. It’d be great for young people who are old enough and ready to see/handle some of that, I’d say.
Matt,
Proposed addendum:
If my children make a lot of noise at Mass and disturb people, it’s my fault.
If my children do nothing but play in the pew all Mass, it’s my fault.
That is all.
-Doug
Douglas,
I’m not sure that your comment tells the whole tale.
I hope that what you meant was:
If my children (who are at or above the age of reason) make a lot of noise at Mass and disturb people, it’s my fault.
If my children (who are at or above the age of reason) do nothing but play in the pew all Mass, it’s my fault.
Young children, who are sometimes noisy, are part of the hot mess of humanity, in which the Catholic Church lives. It’s hard getting a family to Mass every week (let alone every day) and I think we would all do very well to make those families feel as welcome as possible.
The next time you’re at Mass and find yourself “disturbed” by the activities of children, try something other than steeping in your frustration. Pray for them. Pray for their parents. Thank them for their courageous witness to the Christian vision of marriage and family.
Charity above all.
-J
I come from a family of 13, and only once in a blue moon did my siblings EVER disturb people. I’m not as annoyed as my comments may seem to indicate, but from experience I know that under 2 years olds can be trained, and infants can be handled.
People don’t think kids can behave, so they fall terribly short.
You have children, Douglas?
Nope, not yet. I can’t wait until I have them. My wife is a speech therapist who works with kids from birth to 3. My experience growing up and hers both professionally and personally convince us that children can be managed and that there are very, very few excuses for unruliness.
People are constantly saying, you can’t make people do x, y or z, whether that abstinence, going to church regularly, getting emploted or keeping kids quite. Instead of wasting time making excuses, why not learn to do something about the problem. If your kids (not u personally) aren’t quiet, perhaps you’re doing it wrong. Try a different approach. Don’t just throw in the towel.
If I order cheesesticks instead of breadsticks, it’s your fault. :)
Andrea – Rude. It’s an honest mistake!
Amen, sista. Amen.
Now that can be really tricky. Let’s be fair here.
After all, are cheesesticks sticks of cheese? breaded sticks of cheese? Or are they breadsticks with cheese on them? If someone has all of the above to offer, how easy is it to determine just from the word “cheesesticks” what you wanted?
Do you mean that you wanted breadsticks, with or without cheese, and got sticks OF cheese? Or do you mean that you wanted breadsticks without cheese, and mistakenly ordered them with it?
I blame the English language. ;)
Thank you, Linebyline! If you could please explain this to my 2 year old now, I’d really appreciate it.
You’re welcome. I’d suggest getting into the habit of not using the ambiguous term and instead going with expressions like “cheesy breadsticks” and “fried mozzarella sticks.” Not sure about the cold ones that come individually wrapped in plastic; “cold cheese snack sticks” maybe?
Related: Instill in your kids at an early age the understanding that repeating a word or phrase is not the same as defining it: “What kind of cheese sticks?” “CHEESE sticks, daddy!”
Great post Matt! Watched Courageous last night with my wife and it did pump me up. Your post just had the same affect! Keep up the great writing!
Matt,
Once again you hit the nail on the head! I thank God for your gifts and the fact you are willing to share them. I shared this post on my facebook page with this additional quote from CS Lewis:
“ …we all need reminding more often than we need instruction.”
Thank you for this wonderful reminder to all of us who may have failed along the way in our responsibilities as fathers; in hope that the current generation of fathers learn from our mistakes.
Additionally Matt, the links embedded in your post are an exceptional touch! :-)
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