My wife and I play a game with our two year old son. It involves catching a fish. You never know if it’s gonna be a little, tiny fish – or a great, big whale of a fish. You can play this game on the bed, on the floor, pretty much anywhere.
To begin, you have to look very carefully all around you to try and find a fish just under the surface of the water. Once you spot one, you try to snatch it out of the water with your bare hands! But you have to be quick – because fish are very quick.
Once you’ve caught a fish, it’s a bit of a juggling act. The fish is usually squirming and flopping around – as a fish out of water does. So it’s usually quite a struggle and a workout to keep the fish from getting away, especially if it’s a big one! The fish is very hard to hold on to – as fish are very slippery. Once you start getting tired of trying to hold on to this jumping, squirming fish, you pass him off to another person so they can wrestle with it for awhile. Eventually, the fish gets away and you start over again. It’s hilarious, just ask my son!
Now, is the existence of the fish in this goofy game a part of an elaborate lie? Of course not. We were just using our imagination and teaching our son to do the same. We also showed him how using our imagination lets us have a lot of fun with very little. More importantly, we used our imagination to learn about something that is very, very real. Just because we imagine something doesn’t mean it’s not real. We imagine real things all the time.
Does my two year old fully understand the difference between our fishing game and real fishing yet? Not quite. But one day he will. And in the process he’s learning a lot of real things about real fish…even if we exaggerate and have some fun with it in the process.
So what about Santa Claus?
We live in a culture that has taken Christ out of Christmas. Our appetite for material goods is insatiable. Our religion, a cult of consumerism. Our dogma, the marketing maxims of slick sales execs that have redefined for us what it means to be “prepared” for Christmas. Rather than prayer, fasting and repentance, we prepare by just buying lots of stuff. And they’ve made Santa Claus the spokesperson.
So it’s no surprise that, as a reaction to all that, some have been tempted to throw Santa Claus right out and get back to the “reason for the season.” And besides, why do we tell such lies to our kids about some imaginary man in a sleigh anyway?
Well, I’ll tell you.
First, the story of Santa Claus is a Christian story. Hello! When told properly, it points to and emphasizes Jesus Christ. So, it’s actually one of the (fun) ways to “get back to the reason for the season.” And kids like fun.
Second, therefore, Santa Claus is not the problem. The commercialization of Christmas has victimized him as much as any of us. In fact, I’m pretty sure the real Santa Claus isn’t taking all of this too lightly, either.
Which brings me to my next point, Santa Claus is a real person. So it’s not a lie to say that Santa Claus is real. He has died, yes. But he’s not really dead. He’s alive in heaven, which means he’s more fully alive than any of us.
Santa Claus = Sinter Klaas = Sint Nikolaas = Saint Nicholas. Make it a lesson in linguistics for your kids. Santa means Saint. A Saint is someone who has lived a life of heroic virtue. A life worth mimicking. A life worth observing. A life worth learning from. A life that points to Christ.
Saint Nicholas was a 4th century bishop in the Church. And his spirit of giving and serving the poor is worth remembering by re-enacting (and imagining) his life and then learning from it. More importantly, the reason he served the poor and gave of himself so much is because he served Christ at the center of his life. And he did so with heroic enough virtue that we remember it thousands of years later. We are all called to live lives like that. That’s the radical call of being a Christian (not necessarily to dramatically cast out all the fun in our lives!).
The point is that Santa can’t just be somebody we get stuff from. He’s a kind of model for our life – just like every “Saint.” He’s somebody we can teach our kids to look at and say, “do you see how generous and giving he is? That’s what God calls us to be every day, and especially during this important religious season when we celebrate the greatest gift mankind has ever received, Jesus.”
The giving must be emphasized, not the receiving. But you can’t have one without the other! So the question for our family is, simply, which are we focused on? and therefore, what are our kids learning is most important? The giving…or the receiving?
And it’s okay if your 4 year old gets more excited about Santa than she does about baby Jesus. That probably means you have a healthy 4 year old who can’t grasp the magnitude and deep theological significance of redemption, eternal salvation and God becoming a man. Even most adults struggle with it. Let’s not strip the fun out of our kids’ lives because they realize a jolly fat man in a red suit who flies around in a sleigh with magical reindeer giving gifts is more exciting than a baby in a manger. Any religion that wants to last longer than a single generation must acknowledge this simple childhood truth.
We just have to make sure that as kids get older they continue to learn the depth of the Santa story as they are able. And how that jolly fat man who gives presents is not there to give us presents, but to show us how to give. And he’s not doing so because you’ve been good, he’s doing so because giving is what life is all about. And the most radical way that old Saint Nick lived this out was not with the gift of presents, but with the giving of his entire life to Jesus Christ and the way he lived it in service to Him.
Personally, I think we should tell the Santa story to our children the same way we should tell them about many other stories that have grown into myths and legends. Let them grow into them – not out of them. Don’t outright lie to them, but don’t spoil it all up front either. Let them pretend along with you. Let them learn in time what is true about the story and what isn’t. What is important about the story and what isn’t. And more importantly, help them learn the deeper (and very real) truths contained within it. And in time, use it to help them understand the infinitely more significant and completely true story of Jesus.
It’s a good thing that this Christian Saint is plastered all over everything this time of year. What an opportunity for Christians and for our families. We just have to view it in the right light and, in many ways, reclaim the proper narrative. And we must always, always, always point it back to the real reason for the celebration.
The imagination is a powerful way to learn about real things. True things. Santa is alive and well. Now, please excuse me, I’ve got some fish to catch.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
The comparison between imaginary fish and Santa Claus is apples to oranges. The child recognizes that the fish is imaginary and knows this is a game. The child believes Santa Claus isn’t imaginary or a game, but a real physical earth dwelling creature who is really depositing gifts on Christmas eve/day. The question of the post’s title is answered in the affirmative: Yes, you are indeed lying to your child. The question is whether it is justifiable or not. That’s the heart of the matter.
Carson – I don’t think it’s that simple. But I do think it depends on how you handle the topic and the story with your kids.
The purpose of the fishing example was not necessarily a direct comparison, but a way to show that imagining things and pretending are helpful and sometimes good. And that they can teach us about real, true things. My son may understand in a general sense that the fish is imaginary. But he doesn’t fully understand which parts are *only* imaginary and which parts aren’t. And that’s fine because that’s something he learns over time as he’s ready. But the fish is also still a “real physical earth dwelling creature” who is slippery and jumps and squirms when out of water.
But with the Santa story, I think it does require some nuance by the parents. I’d be more in the camp that the kids generally get the sense that we are all imagining and pretending together. Like the malls and the commercials and the chatter and pictures of Santa are all like the pages of a great story book come to life. I would indulge my child no less than I would with any other great story we read before bed time.
Matt – I disagree that kids get the sense that this is imaginary and part of a pretend story. They really do think that there really is a bearded man wearing a red/white pajama suit with real flying reindeer, who really is depositing real presents with his real signature under a real tree. We’re the ones who are imagining/pretending. But, they’re the ones who really, truly, and sincerely believe what we’re telling them. That comprehension is what divides a lie from a tale.
I do agree that it depends on how we handle the topic with your kids. If we handle it in a way that leads them to believe that it’s a story, make-believe, a tale, etc.. then we’re being truthful with them. If we handle it in a way where we know it’s just make-believe, but for them, it’s real-believe, then yes, we’re lying to them, and we justify it with the intention that we’re leading them towards the truth, but we’re going to hold out on the truth for a couple more years. And, yes, we’re lying. *smile* We just don’t want to admit it because, well, there’s a conscience issue at hand.
Carson – I think we agree. It depends on how you tell the tale. And I think as parents we’ve forgotten the art of telling stories to the point that we end up bailing on some fun, great traditions and stories for our kids.
Telling stories is an art, not a black and white science. There are lots of ways to tell this story without bold face lying to our kids. If your conscience is bothering you about it, then it probably means you should be telling the story a little differently.
It’s small things, like when your child asks “Is Santa really real?” you don’t have to lie to them. You ask, well “what do you think?” And you help them work through it.
I like to think of it this way. When we read a bed time story, we read it like it’s real cuz it’s more fun and believable that way. You learn more and it exercises the imagination. But at the end when your kid asks, “is that really real, Daddy? Maybe you tell them no and explain right then at a level they can understand. Maybe you ask them what they think and you let them think about it for awhile. Maybe you let them think about it for years. A child’s mind is such a dynamic place – and forming it doesn’t happen in single moments all the time. With Santa, instead of finding out immediately in one sentence that he’s not entirely real, they find out in good time. They come into it in a natural way. In the meantime, that doesn’t mean we lie to them. And it doesn’t mean we’re holding out on them.
Here’s another imperfect analogy. We teach our kids that the Sun rises every morning. Is that a lie? In a strict sense it is. In reality, the Sun isn’t rising at all…the Earth is spinning (and it’s really much more complex than that). But we don’t explain all of that to them yet because they aren’t ready for it. It’s much more helpful to just say that the Sun rises…as it appears to do. And later they understand it much better when they’re ready. It doesn’t mean we’re holding out on them.
Moral myths are similar, except rather than helping us understand physical reality, they help us understand moral reality. When they are young, it suffices (and is much more fun and perhaps even more effective) to imply that Santa eats the cookies and delivers the presents. Later on, kids come to understand that Santa had a few partners along the way to get the job done.
Good myths are the ones we grow in to – not out of.
Matthew, ncely put. My daughter isb2 and a few months ago we were visiting some family friends who are in their 80s. My daughter with looking at a stuffed animal and my dad and I called it a “cow.” Our friend, a farmer who did not having any children, jumped in and said, “It’s. Steer.” My dad quickly explained that’s more than she can understand right now, but will learn it over time.
I don’t know how my parents told us about Santa, but as far back as I can remember I knew Santa was my parents and they knee I know, but we pretended together. I never felt lied to and don’t lie to my daughter. I do put things in ways she can grasp now, but aren’t necessarily the “truth” but not a lie.
It really is how you put it.
I’ve always struggled with the idea of Santa Claus. However, St Nick is cherished and loved in our home. We celebrate his feast day on Dec 6 with stockings, candy and a small gift and retell his story. We don’t do Santa in the secular Model. No presents from him on Christmas morning. http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/origin-of-santa/. This is a great resource for reclaiming St Nick and the true meaning of advent and Christmas. I’m not a scrooge about it. I answer my children honestly, but do not hinder their imagination, and I explain that they are not to spoil it for others. I do not use Santa as a threat for not receiving gifts either;-). All in all, Matt, we agree: keep the focus on Jesus and use every opportunity to learn and grow and enjoy life! God Bless.
This is excellent. My parents decided to do this when we were young and it was much better. We also watched the excellent story of St. Nicholas that CCC produced:
http://www.cccofamerica.com/index.php?app=ccp0&ns=prodshow&ref=003DV1
I love this idea of emulating the giving of Santa and making that important rather than emphasizing getting stuff from Santa. That is something you can grow with. That’s a great way to transition the idea of Santa into the real story of St. Nicholas later.
Thanks Matt! Really great idea!
Santa always comes to our house! He is living in heaven and till this day (my kids now are preteen and teenagers) he still comes because he is the spirit of giving. He intercedes for us with God (like all Saints do) so that we can have enough means to give to each other during Christmas. He showed us with his life how important it is not to forget the poor. He focused his life on God. That’s the true message that we have always told them. Our kids get their presents on Dec. 25th because it’s Jesus Birthday! We should worry more about making sure Nativities are being publicly displayed on this season instead of just a Christmas tree and that we call it like it is “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Hanukah” both religious celebrations instead of this Happy Holiday greetings. I always ask: What holiday? Halloween? Fourth of July?….lol….
‘Santa Claus’ as we know him, is a complete fabrication. The real story of St. Nicholas is powerful, and important to the story of the early church and Christianity. He was a high-ranking bishop who was imprisoned for punching a heretic in the face and miraculously received a missal and stole from the Lord and Blessed Mother while there. His life was lived in heroic virtue in love of Jesus Christ, and thus he is a saint. The corruption of his image into a fat, jolly old man who lives in the frozen north is just, well, stupid. It is a Protestant fairy tale based upon a Catholic truth of a real and living saint of heaven. We should teach our children the truth. Christmas is glorious and beautiful, and doesn’t benefit at all from ‘Santa.’ My children did just fine without him. Sometimes we do say that a gift is from ‘Santa’ when it’s just a little trivial thing, or something for the family, but they all understand that it’s just that we didn’t want to attribute that gift to being from anyone in particular, not really from the old elf in the sleigh.
It seems that something C.S. Lewis wrote about Easter is applicable here: “There is a stage in a child’s life at which it cannot separate the religious from the merely festal character of Christmas or Easter. I have been told of a very small and very devout boy who was heard murmuring to himself on Easter morning a poem of his own composition which began ‘Chocolate eggs and Jesus risen.’ This seems to me, for his age, both admirable poetry and admirable piety. But of course the time will soon come when such a child can no longer effortlessly and spontaneously enjoy that unity. He will become able to distinguish the spiritual from the ritual and festal aspect of Easter; chocolate eggs will no longer seem sacramental. And once he has distinguished he must put one or the other first. If he puts the spiritual first he can still taste something of Easter in the chocolate eggs; if he puts the eggs first they will soon be no more than any other sweetmeat. They will have taken on an independent, and therefore a soon withering, life.
Adults live in the literal — something is true or false. There is also myth, fairy tales, fables, in which a truth is expressed in terms and circumstances that aren’t, strictly speaking, true. Do we tell a child immediately after reading him The Hobbit that dragons aren’t real? I don’t think so, I think it would be an abuse of his imagination. So with Santa Claus. I propose this answer to give a child when he asks if Santa is real, an answer which is absolutely true: “Santa exists in the world which is inhabited by fairies and dragons and speaking animals.” The imagination remains intact, and it is understood that the child will come to a proper understanding of the nature of myths in time, while retaining the perennial truths which the myths teach in a mode appropriate to the child.
A lie is a lie no matter how you package it.
SANTA…….SATAN…..same letters
CLAUS…….LUCAS….Remember lucas means bright light….Satan can appear as an angel of light….Lucas…short spelling of Lucifer…the devil. Another thing. Christmas is NOT a Christian holiday and has nothing to do with the birth of Christ. He wasn’t even born in December. The celebration of “Christmas” is a pagan holiday that goes back before the birth of Christ. Let’s get real folks. Putting Christ back into Christmas as the “reason for the season” is just furthering paganism.